36 – Fear of Confrontation – sf and scs

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry about what other people say or think about me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to how I believe other people see me – and therefore, be afraid of people starting to see me in a different light, because, apparently, then I'll lose myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe embarrassment is real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto an idea of myself in separation of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to an idea as ego.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to fear losing my friends in my world.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to define myself according to my friends and that is why I fear losing them – because if I lose them, I'll apparently lose myself.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to believe that I'm actually able to 'lose' myself.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to fear losing my parents' love and acceptance of me.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to define myself according to my parents' love and acceptance of me, and that is why I fear losing their love and acceptance – because if I lose their love and acceptance, I'll apparently lose my own love and acceptance of self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to believe that I will lose self acceptance if I lose acceptance from another.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to fear change because my controlled world is who I am and if it would change, I wouldn't be able to control my life anymore.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to fear change because I've defined myself according to my world that is me, and that's all that must and may exist, because that's all that exists of me.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to accept myself and my world as as one with and equal to that which only exists and I will not allow myself to expand.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to fear expansion.

When and as I want to avoid a conversation only because of fear of confrontation, I stop, I breath. I realize that I avoid confrontation because I fear losing my friends and family whom I have defined myself through, and that in this definition of myself I'm not allowing myself to change because I am afraid of change and I'm afraid of losing who I have defined myself as. I commit myself to continue writing as it is allowing me to discover who I am and why I allow certain things and why I fear change, so that I can actually stand up within myself change myself to who I want to be (not what others want me to be) and speak what I live.