34-Disappointment from lack of appreciation when giving gifts.

Disappointment from expecting a different outcome, expecting appreciation. Desiring the power to make someone happy.

I like to see people happy, even if it's not my doing, but in the instance of gift giving I am attempting to MAKE someone happy while at the same time, feeling powerful for being the person to make someone happy. I take the experience of gift giving back to myself, as a 'self-serving tool' to have the power to make someone happy and to feeling appreciated. When I don't receive the response I expect, I feel disappointed, as I am allowing myself to become dependent on this experience of appreciation and power of making another happy. Since power/powerless, appreciation/ lack of appreciation, happy/sad, are polarities, when there is one there is always the other. I am searching for appreciation and power outside of myself. This is a statement that speaks, “I am not powerful”, “I do not appreciate myself”, yet I do not want to accept my self judgment and lack of self acceptance. I don't want to see that this is how I feel, so I hide behind manipulation of attempting to gain appreciation and power outside of me, instead of looking inside of me, to realize what it is I am allowing myself to do or not do that I do not accept.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as 'powerless'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to ignore my emotions of feeling powerless, and instead focus my attention on finding power outside of myself.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to appreciate myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to ignore my emotions of feeling no self appreciation but instead search for appreciation from someone, something outside of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that a gift can make a person happy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in happiness when it is only a polartiy of the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have the possibility to make someone happy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from all life by judging myself as 'powerless'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from 'power'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not have power.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from all life by attempting to be more powerful.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire power.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself to be limited, powerless, hopeless, inferior and therefore try and 'gain' power through others giving their power away to me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is limited, powerless, hopeless and inferior.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire power because I desire strength, control and superiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire power because I desire appreciation.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want others to give their power to me so that I can be in power and control over them – and so I can feel good about myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be superior to my nephew through giving him something he desires.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to manipulate my nephew into liking me by giving him nice gifts.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear not being loved and appreciated by my nephew.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel hopeless in that my nephew will love and appreciate me, and within that hopelessness, attempt to make him love me through giving gifts and making myself appear a good person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel limited in my ability to have a good relationship with my nephew.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if my nephew doesn't trust me, his mom, or his grandmother, he will grow up with disrespect for all women in general.

When and as I feel disappointed from lack of appreciation when giving gifts, I stop, I breath, I do not allow myself to linger in my thoughts. I realize that within this expectation of appreciation, I am only trying to control another into liking me. I commit myself to look within myself, see what it is that I am not accepting in myself, and take the steps necessary in self discipline and self control, to find my self that I can fully appreciate.