27 – pleasing others

I don't want to disappoint anyone in my 'circle'. People around me have expectations of me that may not be met, and I have been allowing this to bother me. My mom told my future boss that I will be certified in two months, when I never said that, in reality I might be able to get it done in four or five months, and now it's looking like it might take even longer. I don't want to feel rushed on this because I can only do so much in a certain amount of time.

My husband expects me to have the attic and garage cleared out in a couple of weeks. I don't know if that is possible when I have to do so many other things as well. My future boss, the owner of the pilates studio hasn't said anything in a while but a couple of months ago she was asking me about when I will work for her, and mentioning it to clients that I may be an instructor there in the near future. My mom also said they had been chatting about me, about when I might work there.

So I have been feeling a bit of pressure to please everyone. But why? Why am I so concerned about how others feel when they don't get exactly what they expect when they expect it? I can't please everyone, and I certainly can't mach up to everyone's expectations, so why am I stressing to do this?

Since I was a child I have tried to please my parents, to show them that I was a 'good', 'well-behaved' daughter. Now I am trying to display myself as a 'good', 'responsible' adult. To my husband, I am attempting to prove to him that I am a 'good wife'.

I know why it is I am trying so hard to make everyone happy. It is because I don't want to lose them, and be left alone. Because if that were to happen I would be all by myself, facing myself having to accept who I am. I have defined who I am through what others think of me. I can't do that. Everyone has their own opinions and judgments. That doesn't mean that they are correct. That doesn't mean that I am only worthy if others think I'm worthy. Self worth is ONLY found within self, and we are all equals as living beings, searching for worth outside of ourselves as we try to please others with not only our actions, but our knowledge, out looks, clothes, cars, houses, furniture, ability to play music, you name it, we all do it. Why can't we accept who we are, without the constant desire to search for acceptance from others?

Many take it beyond just acceptance and pressure themselves, their children, and spouses to having to win, to be the best. I think this is how I felt growing up with my dad as he would push me to do things perfectly and fuss at me when I made mistakes. I became so afraid to make a mistake because I didn't want to get yelled at and looked down apon like a fool. I definitely had my worth build on his reactions to me. He is an intelligent person who became successful with determination, knowledge, and hard work. He has said to me before that I can do anything I set my mind to, and I have allways desired to be the best at whatever I attempted, wether it be singing, playing piano, art, English, whatever it was, I tried to give it my all. But I have always had trouble setting my mind to anything for any length of time. I think that has to do with fear of making a mistake, so I just would give up when things got difficult before I had the chance to fail. I would move on to something else that I thought I might be 'the best' at. Now I realize that I don't have to be the best. I now can enjoy these activities I mentioned without judgment.

So back to the 'pleasing others' part. I'm still pressuring myself to do it. I blame it on them pressuring me, but it's really me pressuring myself to please them, because if I didn't care to please them so much I wouldn't feel pressure in the first place!Time to start loving myself unconditionallyand accept myself for who I am, not for what others want me to be.