25 – Chocolate! - to the root of the problem

I have been eating chocolate to distract myself from stress and anxiety. I have been feeling overwhelmed with all of the work I have to do on a daily basis, and I haven't really come up with a good plan to execute the work in a timely manner yet. I am stressed about getting my work done before the kids come home from school, because once they are home, I have to help them with homework and studying, cook dinner, give them a bath, get them a snack, brush their teeth, read to them, and have them read to me. I occasionally have to babysit the neighbor's kid after school as well.

The first thing I do after getting the kids ready for school and on the bus is write in my Journey to Life blog and read over the interviews and self forgiveness statements that pertain to my writing. Then I shower and go to Pilates class. I return home, eat and load up the washer. Next, I work on DIP homework and read blogs. I clean the floors and fold clothes, and if I have time, work on purging clutter, selling, and organizing. Some days I fertilize and water all plants, some days I change and launder all the bedding, some days I clean the playroom. During spring and Summer, I am also busy pulling weeds, watering, and caring for the pond (with its filter and pump needing to be cleaned weekly), and the fish. I definitely have my plate full. And let's not forget about the half – eaten animals and all their, blood, fur and feathers I clean up and dispose of. Sometimes the blood gets in the carpet and I have to scrub it out, which takes even more time. If it's not body parts I'm cleaning, it's pee. The cats keep marking their territory all over the house, and cat pee has a very strong odor that is difficult to get out!

I would like to be able to study during the day, so when the kids are in bed, or mostly in bed, I can relax. But I haven't found a way to incorporate that in my daily schedule yet. So at night, as I try to study, I am constantly being interrupted by my sweet little Alex, who either can't sleep, has a nightmare, is hungry, or thirsty, just wants yet another hug and kiss, or doesn't feel good. Even on those rare occasions when I do get to study before the kids get home, when I finally get to relax and watch a show after the kids' bedtime, Alex is coming downstairs every few minutes in need of something, and I end up pausing the show multiple times.

So I feel like I am not able to attain my certification in the time I had planned. I have the owner of the studio, my parents, and my husband asking me when I'm going to be certified and I feel pressure to get it done quickly. I was thinking I could possibly test for it within four and a half months if I study two hours a day, but I'm not always able to study for that length of time on a daily basis, and some of the information is very confusing for me, especially the equation formulas. I wish I had a teacher to answer my questions and I feel like I need more time during the day to complete everything I need to do.

My husband is also pressuring me to get the clutter cleared out of the attic and the garage and I don't want to disappoint him. I'll spend four hours throwing out trash, sorting piles of stuff according to charity or sales, and reorganize the attic. When I show him he says he doesn't see any difference. All he does is point out what need to be done and ask about the stuff that I haven't gotten to yet. That sucks! I wish he would see all the work I am putting into this instead of complaining about needing to get it done sooner. I have to tell him exactly what I do so he can appreciate what has already been done and stop worrying about what hasn't been done yet!

Studying and homework with the kids is a task in itself. Especially when they don't try to think about what they need to be learning. I feel frustrated with wasting time when my kid daydreams as we are attempting to memorize spelling or learn new math. And while I'm helping one kid, the other is constantly asking me for something as well. It gets pretty noisy and confusing.

The kids aren't paying attention. The kids are distracting. I feel pressure from parents, husband, and future boss about getting certified, and I feel pressure from husband about housework. I don't have enough time to do everything that is expected of me. Chocolate break!!!!