Day 12 – resistance - choosing what's most important first

I am having a bit of trouble writing, I'm having to push through resistance because I need to spend a lot of time studying as well. To myself I have made a commitment to write first, then study. If I don't study, I don't get a job. If I don't write, not much happens to motivate me to write, so I push myself to write first. I came across sf today, on Creation's Journey (Leila) that really stood out to me, so I will use it as a base structure of sf re-wording some of it to fit my way of speaking and my situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to refuse to understand that any change will go hand in hand with resistance, as I have to push through the automated occupation of self that is obsessed with time till I have removed this fear -driven obsession with time and what I believe is important due to the effective ways I have allowed myself to become a participant in the current system of the individual self obsessed with personal achievement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the ideas of the system about personal achievement without ever considering what is best for all life and that what is best for all life should be my directive principle as I should show the character of life as life, but I show the character of the system as not life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be driven by the character of the system which is the character of the mind and not the character of life and that I fear to be without this mind drive as energy that will make me feel good and accomplished in the measurement of my own judgment, yet which would allow life to be abused and I would feel nothing for the abuse that happens unless
I am reminded, when the feeling for life will only last a moment before I return to the indulgence of the

self- interest induced good feeling and ignorance in the mind.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that as life I should be able to be in constant awareness of life and thus experience what life in all forms experience on Earth. Yet I do not, because I don't want to feel the pain of others suffering so I ignore life and only experience what I have decided is valid for me in my mind regardless of the periodic reminder that all is not well with life on Earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to commit myself to my mind and the creation of personal happiness through self desire and self achievement in my mind in order to ignore the abuse of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always find the participation within the mind in self interest to indulge in feeling good easy and mind fulfilling, while any action to bring about a change in the physical world that is best for all will get the least attention as it will not produce a quick, secure and good feeling in my mind but instead a reminder to how fucked up this world is, and how it will take a very long time to fix this fuck- up, greedy excuse for life, to a world that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to form and hide in a mind that 'protects' me from reality and that I have convinced myself that this mind is me and that this mind is real regardless of what the physical reality is showing me happening since the time history has been recorded up to the present day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to convince myself that it is virtually impossible to change the fuck-up world to a world that is best for all as it is much easier for myself to remain in my self-created, protecting mind space where I have given myself permission of ignorance to escape the fuck-up world and personal free choice according to my rules in self interest.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define commitment as according to the rules of the system of self interest and not according to that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use resistance to postpone committing myself to life as myself because I feel I have already challenged the mind, without actually realizing that if I cannot walk the process to life again and again till it is done as example, I have not relinquished the mind, I have only rewired my mind to what I choose to perceive in self interest as another acceptable level of superiority where I can have the choice to do what I feel like doing regardless of that which needs to be done to bring about that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate personal happiness as the benchmark for all decisions and when I'm faced with a lengthy process of self correction that should move me to action immediately as that is the shortest path to self correction, I will linger in the mind permitting myself to believe I have actual choice while the choice I have does not exist but in my self -created mind. As life as form there is no choice outside of self interest, but what is best for all life as it is measurable and able to be seen directly if I dare to let go of my self interest.

I commit myself to focus on every point that grasp my attention to see how I have created it in my mind where it cannot be challenged to bring an end to my reality and return to life's reality.

I commit myself to challenge every self interested desire by exposing myself in self honesty how and why I have allowed myself to create desire in my mind where I alone am the God of me that will place me first regardless of the harm it does to the physical world.

I commit myself to stop all separate personal spaces that are in contradiction to the physical world so that I may return to life here and give to all forms as I would like to receive.

I commit myself to stop participating in personal achievement that follows my self created rules of my mid and the separation from life and to only accept achievement that is aligned to provide to all physical life in all ways.

I commit myself to stop allowing my mind as my directive principle as that causes me to only consider my self interest but to create my directive principle to be what is best for all and to commit myself to bring this world of living words as flesh to all in every way as that will end the suffering that has been the result of the self that was created by the mind in separated bubbles without any form of consequence.

I commit myself to stop allowing myself to use my feelings as required by the mind in relation to my indulgence in self interest to be the determining factor of who I am, what I do, and what I allow in this world. I will no longer ignore the suffering, but I will align myself with those who are lacking life support because I have deliberately designed rules in self interest that allows only myself as the mind to win and I have refused to accept that there exists in this world a position where a person can do nothing to improve their condition due to the value system of the mind as money instead of a value system based on life.

I commit myself to be guided with rules that support all life in space time and that I will refrain from participating in the mind where space time as matter does not exist.

I commit myself to understand that to bring about a world that is best for all life I will have great resistance both from my mind and my body (as my body is controlled at this time by my mind) as well resistance from other people as minds and controlled bodies, but I will walk as I understand just like in my process, the time will come where the physical reminder of what is real will be so clear and shocking that the mind will stop and the person will come out of their bubble and hear and see what is really happening in the physical world to begin their process to re-align with that which is best for all life.

I commit myself to walk as breath to pull myself out of my mind so I am not fooled by my mind and drawn into self interest and to make choices that support all life.

I commit myself to put an end to my ideas of free choice that only serve my self and to make decisions based on what is best for all.

I commit myself to redefine commitment as the living, breathing action that is best for all life in physical space time.

I commit myself to learn to understand how the physical functions and to stop my indulgence in the illusion as the mind so that I may stand equal as the physical as that which is the vehicle that gives me life.

I commit myself to restore to Earth that which holds real value to all life as any parent cares for their child, I care for all life as one family, equal in life.

I commit myself to not postpone but to immediately act to prove to myself the benefits in physical space time.

I commit myself to not allow the mind to set the rules of what is important and what is not.

I commit myself to any time required to bring this world to life, regardless of what it will take and I commit myself to not allow values of the mind and what I have allowed myself to become in self interest to determine what is real value.