17 – What held me back

I was recently asked by the owner and trainer at the studio I currently attend what has held me back from getting back to personal training again. Even though I had an immediate response “my kids”, it got me thinking. I have always felt that the kids weren't the only excuse, because I could realistically work part time as a trainer while they are in school.

I've attempted to study all the materials to get re-certified on a few occasions, during these past eight years, but each time I tried, I gave up after about a month or two into it. I felt overwhelmed and thought that I couldn't learn all the information on my own, without a structured class to guide, teach, and test me. Ultimately I would think, I had a good reason why I felt getting certified again wouldn't benefit me. Most of my clients in the past needed me before and after work, the same time I need to be home for my kids. But that doesn't mean I can't work at all just because I wouldn't have as many clients. So deep down I knew this wasn't the only thing holding me back.

All these years I haven't really dug deep into my mind to what it was that was holding me back until this point in time when this owner/trainer had asked me to work for her. I love the idea of working for her, and working with these people at this studio. So I realize that what was holding me back is not a fact that studying is too difficult to get a job part time with just a few clients. It is fear of being in the same situation I was in years ago, with the same people who were competing against me at my old job.

I know no one is perfect and I have to be able to control my own reactions and not blame others for the way I feel. But at my old job, I had to compete to get clients. This competition brought on some spiteful and dishonest actions out of a certain trainer I worked with. This person had attempted to get me into 'trouble' with our boss a few occasions by tattling about anything he saw as unfit to be a trainer. He had overheard me telling some members tips about how to stretch properly and told our boss I was giving out too much information to people who hadn't yet hired me to train them. He had told our boss that I dressed slutty, even though I was completely covered with a full length tank, sports bra, and biking shorts. Our boss took what he said seriously and immediately labeled me as guilty before even seeing for herself or asking me about it. She then told me I had to wear clothing from the gym when I instruct group classes, which turned out to be way more revealing that what I had originally worn.

My boss was also trying to push me to sell and teach The Zone diet, which I diss-agree with, as this diet completely omits whole groups of vegetables just because they are higher in glucose. This diet, as with most diets for sale, don't focus on good health, they are about making money from people who are desperate to lose weight quickly. I prefer to teach a healthy lifestyle that a person can continue to follow for the rest of their life, a lifestyle that doesn't just focus on getting thin, but one that maximizes overall nutrition and fitness.

So now that I've met these people at this new gym, and see how they prefer to help people by working together with the other trainers and focusing their instruction on overall well-being, instead of competing for clients and selling a quick fix to get skinny, I feel this place and these people better match my priorities. These people are dedicated to good health, and they show how much they enjoy instructing others on how to take care of themselves. Now, after eight years of staying at home without an outside job, I want to work as a personal trainer again. Fear no longer holds me back. I now have a valid reason to complete my studies and get certified as a personal trainer again. And this time around, studying has been quite enjoyable, not overwhelming.