Day 7 – update on meds, migraines, fatigue, anxiety

I've read up on adrenal fatigue (which causes chronic fatigue syndrome), and think that makes the most sense of what is going on with me, along with the depression and anxiety in my blood line. Last year was an extremely stressful year. I allowed this “friend” to pressure me into going out for my birthday and drink, even though I hadn't been drinking, I was in healthy living habits. “Friend” decided she didn't want to leave with me when I wanted to leave. I got pulled over for speeding up to catch a green light, got a DUI because I told the cop I had two Ultralight beers when he asked me where I was coming from and if I had anything to drink. (I chose Ultralight because that doesn't mess me up, and I still pleased my “friend” by not being a “party pooper”.) Cops lied on my sobriety test, said I was dancing. (that really pissed me off!) I was sentenced to six months jail and thousands in fines, was allowed two years probation and community service. Lost my ability to drive for more than a year and was in isolation, meaning no one came to visit me, except my mom when she was in town, (she was gone from April till July). I was in constant panic that I was going back to jail for six months. And in panic that I was going to get in a wreck because my husband drives dangerously. My dog got cancer, I tried my best to save him, but couldn't. He lasted about three months and then he died in my arms after suffering in pain, crying all night. After I couldn't handle the lies and manipulating behavior, I had to end the relationship with “friend”, which caused her to harass me. My grandmother died, and I felt like I still needed to bond with her, gain her approval. I had stress overload. And that causes the adrenal glands to wear out and malfunction.

So all of a sudden, like a switch went off, in early September this year, I became extremely weak and fatigued, and slept sixteen hours per day. I had quit drinking alcohol and smoking weed, I was taking great care of myself, eating very healthy, as I have for more than fifteen years, getting my exercise. But I just had stress overload and “broke down”, I guess.

I have always kept myself exercising three to six days of the week. I mostly wrote in my journal to avoid harassment from my ex “friend” and certain family members who are Desteni “haters”. But writing in my journal isn't quite the same, because I get no support, ant this was a time when I really could use support.

After two months of my weakness, fatigue and excessive sleep, and after taking a pregnant test, that's when I went to see my Dr. and a month after that, is when I tested out the meds. So I've only been on them for about four weeks. I've read it's supposed to benefit most when taken six months, but I am hoping that I can get by with maybe three months. I am thinking that along with writing on the forum, taking the meds, the fact that I no longer worry that I'm going back to jail, and my new ability to get out of the house, I can get ahead of my genetic makeup for anxiety and depression, as I have before.

I am hoping that homeopathy will help with the migraines because I don't want to be on meds long term. I've done homeopathy before without success, (for something other than migraines) and spent a few hundred dollars on tests and the concoctions. What DID help was writing :) I've also tried acupuncture for my sciatica back problem, but that was excruciatingly painful in two spots, (the other places they had the needles were fine). But I will keep searching, and maybe I will end up with that simple brain surgery, just get it over with!

Today was a day back on the meds and I actually feel more normal. I was able to chase after my children at the playground which was great. No thoughts of doom either. (I've written about the things I fear and applied self forgiveness and corrective application, but my anxiety is strong, and I think it'll take me a lot of writing to tackle it). Still no migraines, although I have little flickers of pain in my head just about every day. But I'm so glad they haven't turned into a full-on migraine. Tomorrow is a day off the meds. And I'm not so concerned about the effects, since yesterday, which was off, was fine. I will definitely continue to write, as it has always helped me, even when it was only in my journal. I am not giving up on facing myself, and facing everything that I am allowing myself to react to. I am less afraid of receiving a poor judgment from anyone in my writing so I will continue to write on the forum.