Day 1 -- Starting Over

Day 1

Starting Over

First, I felt like it was too much trouble or it would take too much time to set up a new blog. Then, when I would sit to get started, I'd have trouble coming up with what I want to write about for my first entry of my Journey to Life Blog. My ideas of what to write would either be too personal, (something I would rather share with only my buddy), or no ideas at all! My mind was blank on what to write. So I sat outside in the sun for a few minutes to relax and think. After only about ten minutes warming my skin in the sun, feeling the breeze caress my face, and watching the trees sway, I realized what has been holding me back. It's me! Starting over is consistent hard work. I've given up before and I don't want to face myself in the fact that I am having to start over again.

You see, starting over is in a sense admitting that I have given up or failed and I am afraid that I am only setting myself up for failure again. So this fear has been holding me back, been keeping my mind totally blank of ideas about what to write. I have been here before, with “writer's block”, and each time it was the same issue – I don't want to face myself.

So facing the fact that I gave up before is only one way to look at it, a judgmental way of only seeing one side of the issue. The other side is the fact that I AM starting over, I fell, yes, but I am pulling myself back up again. I am doing this now, without clinging to my self-made fear that I will fail. I am doing this without judgment, but with action. I am starting over and writing in my Journey to Life again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think “I cannot do this because I have given up before.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought “I cannot do this because I have given up before” to an emotional experience of fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear I have a lack of ability to follow through with writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the fear that I have a lack of ability to follow through with writing to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failure and giving up because I don't want to face myself and take the steps required to achieve self trust.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make up the excuse, “It's too much trouble and will take too much time to set up a new blog”, in order to avoid facing myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the excuse, “It's too much trouble and will take too much time to set up a new blog”, in order to avoid facing myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to refuse to face myself and take the steps required to achieve self trust but instead make excuses in order to delay facing myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the phrase 'starting over' with a negative value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the phrase 'starting over' as 'bad/'negative'/'wrong' within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the phrase 'starting over' with giving up on myself and failing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the phrase 'starting over' as giving up on myself and failing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the phrase 'Starting Over' through defining the phrase 'Starting Over' as giving up on myself and failing, to be in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the phrase 'starting over' to hard, consistent work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the phrase 'starting over' within hard, consistent work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the phrase 'starting over' and hard, consistent work through defining the phrase 'starting over' and hard, consistent work in separation of myself.

When and as I procrastinate from writing out of fear of facing myself and fear of giving up, I stop my thoughts holding judgments of incapability, I breathe, and I apply myself practically in writing, I do the work, and learn to regain trust within myself again.