55 – Choice

I realize that I have been playing games with my self in order to make myself believe that I have choice and complete control. I choose how far I'll discipline myself, and do just what I feel like doing, leaving out the things that seem more difficult or less fun. I've strategically chosen what to discipline myself with, and push myself only enough to get just a little of the more grueling tasks done. I've written about this while still participating in my 'choice' to not complete my writing with sf and scs, because I have judged these steps as "time consuming". Writing out the 'story line' is much more pleasurable so that is what I chose to do. I waited until I was called on to stand up and take responsibility for writing myself out completely including sf and scs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that choice exists.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am in control and in power over my world, because 'I make my own choices'.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that choice has never really existed, because all choices were pre-determined through what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as, as a mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide behind 'free will' and 'free choice'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my power within 'free will' and 'free choice'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowinfg myself to not want to give up my 'free will' and 'free choice' - because that means I will have to be self honest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing msyelf to fear self-honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to lose everything I have and everything I have defined myself as - if I were to give up 'free will' and 'free choice'.

I forgive myself for accepting and alowing myself to want to have the right to do anything I wnat to do, without consideration for anyone else.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my family, children and myself as more important than others in this world.

When and as I begin to play mind games, believeing to choose what I desire, procrastinating on things I don't feel like doing, thinking only of self in the moment, I stop, I breath. I realize that the only 'choice' I have is to stand as the ultimate expression of myself and the realization of myself in every moment, and when I play these games with self, I am only wasting time, creating a time loop, in my process of standing as my living word. I commit myself to become the directive principle of myself in my reality.